The List

What do I want in a SD and from an arrangement?  I thought it would be a good exercise to write my mental list down and share it with you lovely ladies (and gentlemen).  It definitely helps one get a clearer and firmer stance on the sugar world when you know exactly what you desire.     

1.  I'm not looking to be an escort or a future wifey.  This means no meet-and-fucks and no men who want to groom me for marriage or babies.  Let's find a happy medium - the perfect friends with benefits situation.  

2.  An SD who can teach me stuff.  All kinds of stuff.  Anything and everything (although useful stuff is preferable).  Teach me about wine, how to sail, the stock market, the best way to cook XYZ, business, law, politics, history - just something.  I want to be mentored; I want to grow.  My SD should want to enhance my brain and future along with my bank account and shoe collection.

3.  An allowance.  Freedom from financial woes and the freedom to pursue my dreams and ambitions.  

4.  Great sex, for both of us.  This means chemistry and a connection is very, very important.  

5.  A certain level of discretion.  I don't expect to lurk through alleyways with my SD and stand three feet apart at all times, but let's not scream logistics from the mountains either.  Nobody needs to know that he gives me an allowance or our titles of SD and SB.  In addition, privacy - I respect my own and his and wouldn't be comfortable if he didn't feel the same way.  

6.  A little shopping... a little spoiling... I can't help but get a little (okay, a lot) turned on by a man who is enthusiastic about indulging me.  It makes me want to return the favor and more.

7.    And now more specifically about the SD (I'm just going to ramble on about what my perfect SD would be like - naturally, I'm not using this as a literal checklist... although the gentleman part is nonnegotiable) - I want a complete gentleman.  Someone who is considerate and kind, not just to me or other pretty girls, but to everyone in general.  Witty, with a dry sense of humor and a way with words (nothing is more attractive).  Dominant, aggressive, and almost too confident (especially in the bedroom).  Generous, of course.  And intelligent, but without the need to remind people that he is so.  Physically wise, think handsome in a Bond way (aka looks great in a suit and can kick ass at the same time).

Ah, if I ever do meet a SD just like that in #7, I will be in trouble because my little heart will start fluttering, butterflies will stage a coup d'etat on my brain, and I will melt into a puddle of lustful bliss.  Reason will cease to exist within me and you'll probably end up reading some very angst-ridden blog posts should the fling crash.  Let's just stick with gentlemanly, articulate, and generous for now.  ;)  

In the real world... I'm staring down a list of last minute college stuff that needs to be taken care of before I board a plane next week.  Immunization. . . checking up on my residency status. . . harassing someone at the college until they let me register for classes early so I don't get stuck with the crappy ones (I'm going to be abroad during regular orientation).  Not to mention, I have to take my math placement test online tomorrow!!  Thank god for to-do lists.  

On a lighter note, I bought two fantastic summer dresses from Banana Republic the other day.  They didn't look so hot on the hanger, but I tried them on anyways and WOW - not buying them was not an option!

Have a great week all!

xo sugar kisses,

MM

 

The Elephant in the Room

Sex.  

So far, I have witnessed SDs approach the subject of sex in three different manners.  

1.  The "Dirrty" SD - Not only does he address the elephant in the room, but he dresses it up in leather chaps, pulls out a leather whip, and proceeds to make animated sexual gestures while sending a sly wink your way.  Some of these men are a bit more tame than others, but the blatant sex talk is a constant.  How to know if you have one of these on your hands?  He includes any of the following in his first message to you:  "I like oral, anal, and vaginal sex."  (Oh, but not the ear?  Darn.)  "I want you to be my nasty little slut."  (What?  Can't we exchange names first?)   "I will make you cum."  (But the question is, will I do the same for you?  Note:  Using the word "cum" for a double entendre or a pun is only funny if it's done right. . . and it so rarely ever is.)   

2.  Mr. Gentleman - He addresses the elephant with caution, but he acknowledges its existence and may subtlety hint at a less reserved side that is waiting in the side wings.  He tends to not explicitly refer to sexual acts or even the word "sex" itself.  The word "intimacy" is used instead.  He is not going to ask you your favorite position in the first message... or the third.  While sex is on his mind, he's not going to give you the full X-rated treatment until you are comfortable and willing to venture into naughty territory.  Do I even need to say that this type is my favorite?  

3.  The "What Elephant?" SD - The elephant could be bright purple with green stripes and simultaneously playing the French horn and drums while doing back flips and he would still look around innocently and ask, "What elephant?"  The main issue with these men is that the communication is awful and vague.  This produces a breeding ground for confusion and misunderstanding.  While it is generally assumed that a SD wants to be intimate with his SB, it still never hurts to let the SB know exactly what's on the table so there are no Jack-in-the-box-esque surprises waiting in the future.  

When a SB Calls

It is safe to say that I did a massive amount of research before diving into these sugary waters.  I Googled the shit out of Google.  I read countless blogs by other sugar babies (and a few sugar daddies).  I read news articles, watched news clips, and even badgered experienced SBs for answers to my burning questions.  I thought that all my homework would render me prepared for the sugar world.  After all, I was knowledgeable on everything from profile writing to how to spot the fakes and flakes.  However, while my research prepared me for all things internet related, it did nothing to ready me for what happens after I reeled the pot SDs in with my cute pictures, witty profile, and charming emails.  

The first mention of a phone call came from a pot SD that we shall call DomSD  (he's a self-professed dominant in regards to sexual deviancy).  For some unknown reason, my little head had never fully wrapped itself around the fact that communication with SDs would naturally progress from email to phone/Skype to ultimately face-to-face.  I mean I knew that this was how it worked, but as I had yet to actually speak on the phone (which is so much more personal and intimate than email) with a pot SD, it was uncharted territory and I was admittedly a bit scared and nervous.  What was I going to say?  Was I supposed to acknowledge the origins of our meeting or remain mum on the whole sugar topic?  What if there was a *gulp* awkward silence?  And the words "Sugar Daddy" and "Sugar Baby" sounded so much better in print than in speech. . . then they just sounded kind of cheesy.  I don't remember reading anything about first phone conversations!!!!  

I decided to call DomSD because a.) if I was serious about finding a SD, I knew I couldn't hide behind the computer forever. . . obviously, and b.) I was overwhelmed with curiosity.  DomSD was a seriously seductive writer.  That's why I initially wrote to him - his profile had completely won me over (plus his picture, although blurred, looked very attractive).  I wanted to hear what his voice sounded like; I wanted to see if he was as seductive over the phone as in writing.  Before I called him, DomSD reassured my frayed nerves with a comforting email and he told me to go ahead and block my number.  In all honesty, I was surprised that he had trusted me with his phone number because he seemed to be very OCD about safety and his identity (and STDs, but that's a story for another time).  

Finally, I called. [I was almost shocked when a man answered the line.  Yes, this may sound extremely silly, but I suppose my little inexperienced brain hadn't fully realized that actual people are involved in the sugar world.  It's easy to get caught up in the whole fantasy of it and forget that ultimately you both are just two people on planet Earth.]  His voice sounded nothing like I imagined, but it was still strangely appealing in its own way.  I was nervous, but conversation started to flow.  Ironically enough, the topic that seemed to be the most natural between us was sex (rough sex, in particular).  Yeah, forget about talking about hobbies, books, and food - let's talk about sex lol!  We talked for an hour and then we mutually parted ways. 

Before I start rambling, I will say that DomSD and I keep in fairly frequent touch through email.  The timing (and my location) right now is not conducive to us meeting so we've agreed to stay in touch and meet at a later time.  I should also note that we're desiring completely different types of arrangements logistically.  To be blunt, he does not have the means that I am seeking, but I've technically already moved him from the "potential SD" category to the "potential lover/fling should we click in person" category.  I guess you could say he got a version of the "hot guy discount," as coined by Goal Digger.  I don't really have any grand sugar plans for him or anything, but I'm willing to see how things unfold in the future.

After my very first phone call, I felt relieved, accomplished, and - for some weird reason - tired.  But I was happy and delighted that this hurdle had been crossed.  I was no longer terrified of transitioning from the internet to the phone, which was quite helpful indeed, and I'm thankful to say that all of my phone conversations since then have been painless and mostly enjoyable.  

My words of wisdom to those embarking on their virgin voyage into the land of phone conversations with SDs:

1.  Relax.  He's probably nervous too.  Take a few deep breaths, smile, and remember to have fun.

2.  Listen and respond.  It's easy to start rambling in order to avoid any awkward pauses, but the conversation will flow so much easier if you intently listen to what he says and use that information to be a delightful conversationalist.  Remember what engages him and makes him laugh and remember what doesn't.    

3.  Laugh.  Everyone likes humor.  Just stay far away from hyena cackles and we're good.  

4.  Keep the conversation light.  No serious or deep topics and don't even think of trying to psychologically probe him.  He doesn't want to talk to a marriage counselor; he wants to talk to a SB.  

5.  Know when it's time to say goodbye.  Most of us have that innate ability to sense when someone needs to get off the phone.  Employ it to your advantage.  

6.  Before you hang up, be polite and say you enjoyed talking to him or something to that extent, even if it was terribly tedious and boring.  The exception to this is if he was a complete asshole and/or bothered you with rude, vulgar, or intrusive comments and questions.  

And one last thing - be careful with your phone number.  Either block your number or use a prepaid phone specifically for the sugar world.  You really never know who is on the other line so it's best to be safe.  

:) 

The Adventure Begins

I've known about the sugar world since I was 17 - a little over a year ago.  I don't quite remember how or where I stumbled upon it (I'm sure it somehow involves Google), but I do remember the NY Times article that solidified my future plans:  I will one day be a sugar baby.

Here I am now, 18 and freshly graduated from high school.  My summer is full of whirlwind, back-to-back travel plans abroad and in the fall begins the next chapter of my education - college.  Somewhere in between, I hope to squeeze in a bit of sugar and find the right SD for me.  Here is where I will post my confessions, thoughts, and stories.  A girl has to have a place to anonymously store her little secrets after all.